110. The Resistant Client Series: Capture the Moment and Get in Front of It

Welcome to the Leading Edge in Emotionally Focused Therapy, hosted by Drs. James Hawkins, Ph.D., LPC, and Ryan Rana, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC—Renowned ICEEFT Therapists, Supervisors, and Trainers. We're thrilled to have you with us. We believe this podcast, a valuable resource, will empower you to push the boundaries in your work, helping individuals and couples connect more deeply with themselves and each other.

In this episode, we address resistant client presentations, emphasizing capturing moments and containing reactivity. Techniques discussed included understanding the zone of resistance, organizing reactivity within the relational frame, and the metaphor of a combination lock to illustrate the process of unlocking client resistance. We highlighted the need for therapists to be assertive and attuned to clients' emotional states.

Outline

Upcoming Training Events and Externships

• Ryan announces three core skill series training sessions in Huntington, West Virginia, from August 21 to 23, 2025, and January 15 to 17, 2026.
• Ryan mentions two externships: one in Indianapolis, Indiana, from July 9 to 12, 2025, and another in Northwest Arkansas from July 29 to August 1, 2025.
• James discusses an externship in Bend, Oregon, from October 15 to 18, 2025, and the SV Focus Lab in Northwest Arkansas from September 11 to 13, 2025.
• James highlights the hybrid nature of the SV Focus Lab, allowing both in-person and online attendance.

Introduction to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Ryan shares a positive experience with the Minnesota EFT center, praising their leadership and intentionality in learning the model.
• James reflects on the vibrant learning environment at the Minnesota EFT center, mentioning various leaders and their contributions.
• To the resistant client series topic, focusing on containing space and getting in front of the resistant client dynamic.

Understanding the Zone of Resistance

• The concept of finding the zone of resistance, where clients are stuck between hope and longing, and the importance of leaning into vulnerability.
• There is a need to contain reactivity within the relational frame to prevent it from taking over the session.
• An episode from the past (episode 64) about getting out ahead of resistance and shares a story to illustrate the point.
• A session where George Fowler intervenes to prevent a pursuer's reactivity from escalating, emphasizing the importance of capturing the moment.

Capturing the Moment in EFT

• The importance of capturing the moment in EFT, noting that missing key moments can lead to more escalation.
• A personal anecdote about his early EFT training and the importance of creating a safe place for clients to process.
• The concept of "78 harm," where seeing the same harmful move in the cycle multiple times indicates a need for a treatment plan.
• The metaphor of a combination lock to describe the process of unlocking the client's resistance and creating a shift.

Strategies for Managing Resistance

• A Rubric for managing resistance, including capturing the moment, unlocking the block, and repetitively mirroring the client's behavior.
• The importance of not overdoing the lock metaphor and the need for attunement and assertiveness in EFT.
• A story about a consultation with an experienced EFT therapist who was feeling demoralized due to a lack of progress with a resistant client.
• The importance of capturing moments and creating a mental treatment plan to address the client's resistance.

The Role of Reflection in EFT

• The importance of reflection in EFT, using Sue Johnson's phrase, "Can I try on what I think I'm seeing?"
• A personal anecdote about the need for external validation to see one's reactivity.
• The importance of not letting reactivity take over the session and the need for therapists to step in and address it.
• The importance of capturing the moment and organizing reactivity within the relational frame.

Addressing Resistance in Therapy

• The importance of addressing resistance in therapy, noting that ignoring it can lead to ineffective treatment.
• A story about a consultation with a therapist who was struggling with a resistant client and the importance of capturing moments.
• The need for therapists to be attuned to the client's resistance and to address it in a humanistic and compassionate way.
• The importance of not skipping over reactivity and the need to privilege it to access underlying emotions.

The Importance of Clarity and Kindness

• The importance of clarity and kindness in therapy, noting that it is better to take the chance of a rupture to help the client see their resistance.
• There is a need for therapists to be assertive and to capture moments lovingly but unapologetically.
• A story about a consultation with a therapist who was feeling demoralized due to a lack of progress with a resistant client.
• The importance of capturing moments and creating a mental treatment plan to address the client's resistance.

The Role of Assertiveness in EFT

• The importance of assertiveness in EFT, using the metaphor of a road trip to illustrate the need to address resistance.
• The importance of not giving up on the model and the need to work with resistance instead of avoiding it.
• On the importance of capturing the moment and organizing reactivity within the relational frame.
• The importance of addressing resistance in a humanistic and compassionate way to help clients make progress.

Series Overview

We are excited to announce the beginning of a new series focused on practical help when a client’s nervous system becomes entrenched and cannot open to their experience, their partner’s experience, or the clinical process. We want to help you with a clear frame of nuance and intentionality in this clinical experience.

General Outline of How We Plan to Cover This Presentation

1. Notice it and Asses It Accurately: Establishing Focus
2. Get in Front of it and Contain it
3. Realize it is Dysregulation: Track, Reflect, and Validate
   • Spend A Whole Session of Curiosity About the Experience
4. Show Impact and Cost- V:OUS
5. Cost to Self, Cost to Partner(s), Cost to the Relationship
6. Here & Now: Bring it Forward
7. Make it Experiential: Get it Replaced.

To support our mission and help us continue producing impactful content, your financial contributions via Venmo (@leftpodcast) are greatly appreciated. They play a significant role in keeping this valuable resource available and are a testament to your commitment to our cause.

We aim to equip therapists with practical tools and encouragement for addressing relational distress. We're also excited to be part of the team behind Success in Vulnerability (SV)—your premier online education platform. SV offers innovative instruction to enhance your therapeutic effectiveness through exclusive modules and in-depth clinical examples.

 Stay connected with us:

• Facebook: Follow our page @pushtheleadingedge
• Ryan: Follow @ryanranaprofessionaltraining on Facebook and visit his website
• James: Follow @dochawklpc on Facebook and Instagram, or visit his website at dochawklpc.com
• George Faller: Visit georgefaller.com

If you like the concepts discussed on this podcast you can explore our online training program, Success in Vulnerability (SV).

Thank you for being part of our community. Let's push the leading edge together!